Monthly Archives: June 2009

No-one ever talks about the times we sat around an outdoor table, under an umbrella, eating fresh cherries from the farmers’ market.  Being a Brownie leader, going on field trips, or supervising us at the pool while we fish (we were all fish) swam.

I wrote a longer piece but it was swallowed up by who knows what.  I had to reboot a Mac and that’s rare.  Must be all the hits I’m getting today!  Thanks, folks!  Keep cooking.  Dee

I haven’t been able to talk about this but need to do so not because of my family situation but the nurses and aides and doctors that participate in what one might call “a good death.”

My mother died nine months ago.  For nearly two weeks she was in hospice care.  She was brought against her will to hospital, was offered another surgery and reneged, and was moved to hospice across the street.

We were very lucky in several respects.  She worked for the owner of the hospice years ago and set up his accounting systems; her pain medication expert physician was head of the hospice; the nurses and staff were very accommodating; and no-one dealt with us with “business” issues while we were there.  They allowed, no, encouraged us to be with Mom every moment of every day.  Yes, they did kick us out for bathing and we took meal breaks while she slept.  I’m not saying that connections are essential to good care, it just happened that way for us.

I’m friends with several folks in the medical profession and one has moved to hospice care.  I have to tell you I couldn’t do it.  These people deserve extra rewards in heaven for what they do on a daily basis.

While turning a patient over on his side or providing extra pain medication is routine for them, they acknowledge not only the patient’s humanity, but the family and friends who are sitting by the patient’s side.  One sees experience, but a newness to every patient and family that is comforting,

Something in me would like to think that by caring for an end-stage family member/friend/patient we give something back to the caretakers as well.  All I really know is that I appreciated the care my mother received.  Do not think of this post as a “downer.”  Think of it as a way to help a loved one move on.

I’ve been thinking of Mom a lot, especially with the oatmeal cookie recipe.  I even remember the recipe’s name.  When I do get the time to try it out it may be necessary for a volunteer to do same at sea level.  Ready, PDX?  Know anything about small body guitars?

It is my goal to make a book of recipes that Mom gave to us “kids.”  Unfortunately her recipes may be in a sealed unopened box that appeared two days before we put everything we owned in storage.  It can wait.  She and my aunts and many others taught me how to cook and I look forward to sharing that knowledge with you, once I find the key and drive 1,500 miles to storage.

Take care of your family and friends. Cheers, Dee.

At least the Chairman of the Board didn’t have to go through all this messiness, the dirt and grime of an early unexplained death, but the deaths of both “kings” are eerily similar.  That Michael Jackson married Lisa-Marie Presley is an interesting footnote in history.

If Mr. Jackson meant to take his life he certainly was selfish, hurting his children irreparably.  Even as an unfortunate accidental O.D. it was irresponsible as he had three children to care for.

Yes, we are the same age and I bought Teen Beat magazine when he and other teen idols were in it.  Was he relevant in the 80′s and did he do good work on We Are The World for Africa?  Yes, he did.  Kudos.  After that life seemed to catch up with him and he entered a downward spiral.

Life caught up with Elvis, too, and he left his family too soon.  These icons are not heroes, they’re victims.  Ten years from now we’ll be having Michael Jackson sightings along Arizona roadways or wherever.

It’s time to cook and think about today, instead of yesterday.  Cheers, Dee

Dear Mr. O’Neal,

It appears that you and your wife (hope I can call her that) were both stalwart during cancer and the dying process.  I went through it a few months ago with my mom and she wasn’t public about it.  I couldn’t watch but a few moments of Farrah’s video because things are still too raw for me.

Please accept condolences for you and your family.  Farrah’s work after Angels was incredible, I guess the hair got in the way.  And her beauty.  She reminds me a bit, acting-wise, of a young Norma Jean Baker.

Sincerely, Dee

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Leave it to Michael Jackson to steal her thunder with a death worthy of something he or his sister Janet choreographed.  So everything’s about him now.  What worries me is that he was only a few months older than me.  But then again I don’t have my own personal physician who prescribes me multiple meds.

I bought teen beat when I was 12 and Michael Jackson was in it (so what) but so was Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy.  Mikey was just a kid like me, and these guys were older and “dreamy.”

Singer and dancer, definitely.  Gifted, yes.  Troubled, that’s a given.  I remember when he was Black.  All I can think of his kids.  Then I think about the long fight that Farrah and my mother had and wonder why everyone will be at the gates of that rental house forever.  I’d hate to be the owner there.  Dee