I’ve gotten better over the years, but there have been a couple of doozies. Today I heard from my cousin John. Many years ago I had him over for dinner and wanted to roast a chicken. I had one of those small, gas apartment stoves. He showed up at my door, and I took the chicken out of the oven to rest. It looked fantastic, the skin brown and crusty. Several minutes later, I went to carve and the meat was raw! As I recall, I cut up the chicken and pan-fried it ’til done. Of course, John will never let me forget the great chicken debacle – the night the pilot light went out.
Ten years later, I was visiting my family and decided to make a turkey and corn chili. It called for chiles and I’d just bought some really pretty Thai bird chiles at the farmer’s market, that I’d never used before. I used 1/3 of what the recipe called for. That chili was so hot it was inedible! I added everything but the kitchen sink to it over the next few days trying to tame the fire, to no avail.
Then there are the dangerous disasters, like cutting off the top of my finger with a serrated knife, slicing a roll for dinner. I called Mike, and by the time I got to their house, less than 60 seconds later, he already had the dining table outfitted like a paramedic’s truck. He’s ex-Army Ranger and doesn’t mess around. His wife Dana sat in the den facing the other way because she can’t stand the sight of blood. Mike started with a green tea poultice. It took weeks to get better because every time I shifted my Jeep it opened up again. It’s OK now, kind of numb, but it took the salty seas of Ionia to heal it for good. Enough of the bad memories.
Oh well, it’s how we learn. I was bad at my Easy Bake Oven as well. First time I made pretzels and they were gooey and stuck to my hands so were thrown out. If I’d just known to add flour they would have been ok, but I was five years old. I did make a chocolate cake that turned out well. Cooking with a 120 watt light bulb, what an invention!
Keep cooking, no matter the number of kitchen disasters (unless you’re a danger to yourself or others). Above is Jim’s Glasgow breakfast of sunny side eggs, smoked and cured pancetta, toast with jam and English Breakfast Tea. No, he can’t cook, so the kitchen is all mine wherever we go.
